dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
