i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He passed out mid-signature
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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