dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
