I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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