i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
