This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
