How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize