i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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