On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
