Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
