This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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