wanna go halves on a baby?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
