you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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