Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
