I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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