I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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