I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
