whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
