On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
