I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
