My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize