are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
