I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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