If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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