insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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