I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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