Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
