i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
