You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
