I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You made out with two different species that night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
