My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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