sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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