he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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