anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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