Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
