What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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