If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
