we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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