When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
