Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
