Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
