You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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