rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
