please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
