she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
