Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
