My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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