a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
