When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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