I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
