He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
