Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Holy sore nipples Batman
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
