just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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