really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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