I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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