how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
