and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want her autograph on my taint
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
