i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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