I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
