Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
