He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
