Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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