He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
even my farts smell like vagina
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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