I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
