I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
