True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
