$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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