I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
