Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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