they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
