It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
