She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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